Warning Track Derby?

Now that I am back from vacation, and more importantly, my readers are back from vacation, let us recommence the blogging...

I have a particular penchant for the Home Run Derby. I can remember many times throughout the years sitting in a box (box seat) in front of the television, watching the game's great sluggers do their best to muscle the ball over the fence. I've seen Oriole greats like Cal Ripken, B.J Surhoff, Miguel Tejada, and (removing the "great" label) Rafael Palmeiro hit the ball as hard as they could to win the coveted two golden bats crossed on a stand trophy. The derby is just a fun event, and it's a treat for the fans.

Unfortunately, in the past years, the derby has started to become a bit of a joke around All-Star time. More and more hitters are taking the night off instead of slugging it out, MLB introduces goofy new formats (remember that US vs. the World crap from a few years ago?), and Chris Berman gets less air time to chant "Back-back-back" as the ball soars. And this year, sadly, is no exception.

This year's derby field is comprised of Alex Rios of the Blue Jays, Vlad Guererro of the Angels, Magglio Ordonez of the Tigers, Justin Morneau of the Twins, Albert Pujols of the Cardinals, Ryan Howard of the Phillies, and Prince Fielder of the Brewers. The notable peculiarity of the field is that it's only 7 people as opposed to the traditional 8. That's because the Marlins' Miguel Cabrera withdrew yesterday due to a shoulder injury, and there are apparently no other people in AT&T Park who can hit homeruns (put up or shut up, Barry Lamar).

The second oddity in the derby lineup has to do with who is allowed to participate. Ryan Howard won the Home Run Derby last year in Pittsburgh. He is not part of the All-Star roster this year, but is still begin permitted to participate in the derby. He is being flown to San Francisco for the sole purpose of taking batting practice in front of the world. What a crock. If you aren't good enough to be an All-Star, why should you be allowed to sully the good name of the Home Run derby? How ridiculous would it be for the winner of All-Star week's most prestigious event to not even be an All-Star? Here's hoping Howard continues the fine tradition of not winning consecutive derby's.

The final anomaly in the lineup has to do with who isn't in the lineup. The 7 participants in tonight's derby rank 2, 3, 6, 13, 17, 37, and 57th in the league in homeruns. That's right folks, pay good money to go to AT&T Park and see Magglio Ordonez, the 57th best homerun hitter in all of baseball. Ordonez is behind such powerhouses as Hanley Ramirez, Jhonny Peralta (I didn't spell that wrong, either), Ian Kinsler, and Xavier Nady. Who wants to see that? Are they going to have to construct an artificial fence around the infield dirt just so tonight's competitors can hit homeruns? Are we going to allow ground rule doubles to count as homeruns? How about foul balls that travel far enough?

What's worse than the fact that All-Stars Alex Rodriguez, Ken Griffey, Torii Hunter, J.J Hardy, and Barry Lamar Bonds are not participating are the reasons they give for not participating. Quoth Bonds, "It's too much waiting. You can't do that." Says Rodriguez, "I've worked hard for my swing and I definitely don't want to let anything get in the way of that." Others cite the damage that can be done to your mechanics, or the fatigue that sets in from participating in the derby.

The most ridiculous excuse, however, deals with one of my all time favorite topics: curses! Some players think that the derby carries a mystique that can derail a player. They usually cite Bobby Abreu as evidence. Abreu won the derby in Detroit two years ago. Since then, he's been junk. Experts say his swing isn't the same because he developed too many bad habits trying to hit the ball out. Unfortunately for said experts, they also posted the first half and second half homerun totals for the top four finalists in each derby since 1998. Being a statistician in my off time, I took notice.

At first glance, it seems as though the derby may cause a little bit of fatigue that lasts into the second half of the season. On average, derby participants hit 6.5 fewer homeruns in the second half of the year than the first. However, 6.5 homeruns is NOT statistically significant. In order to be significant, the player would have to be somewhere around 24 fewer homeruns in the second half (don't ask me how I know, just know that it's right). That means that the drop in production among derby participants can be attributed to other things, like injury, fatigue from the season, or slumps. The lesson that needs to be learned here is that the derby does not do as much harm as the players want you to believe. The real reason they don't want to participate is because they are afraid of embarrassing themselves on the grand stage. There is not such thing as a "Home Run Derby Curse".

So am I going to watch the Home Run Derby tonight? Hell yeah! I'm saying Vladimir Guererro wins it all. But that does not take away from the fact that today's derby is just a watered down shadow of the great spectacle it used to be.

Peace.

Enough Already

How nice was it to ground the Rocket last night? That's all I have to say about that...

Enough already. Enough with the hype, the coverage, the blowing way out of proportion. I think I speak for everybody when I say we're all tired of it, and we'll all be very glad when the whole thing is over later tonight.

What I am talking about is the coverage, analysis, and general mania being created over the NBA Draft. This event is being way overhyped. I mean, didn't NBA season just end with my correct prediction of the Spurs? The draft, in most sports besides baseball, signals the official start of the next season, and here we are, champagne still drying on the Spurs' jerseys, and already they have to look to next year.

I don't fault the NBA for the overhyping of their draft. I fault the media (of course). The NBA is simply holding a formal ceremony to preserve the future of the league. It's the media that is making this event bigger than any single NBA game, regular or post season. Take, for example, last night at 11:00, ESPN, ESPN2, and ESPNews all had NBA draft coverage at the same time! Anybody looking for a little Baseball Tonight to see the highlights of their beloved and beleaguered home team take down the Evil Empire was out of luck (not that I know anybody like that).

So all of this analysis and speculation has led to high drama and suspense, right? Wrong. The Portland Trailblazers signed Greg Oden last night, making him the official first pick, Kevin Durant the official second pick to Seattle, and everybody else some irrelevant pick that will always be remembered for being picked after Oden and Durant.

The reason the NBA draft doesn't need this much coverage is that it is generally unspectacular. There are only two rounds, for starters. Some teams, like the Toronto Raptors, have no picks. And of all the high priced, high profile rookies, few of them actually perform their inaugural season. Take, for instance, last year's draft. High profilers Rudy Gay, Adam Morrison, and Shelden Williams all lost Rookie of the Year to Brandon Roy. Who the hell is Brandon Roy? The logic seems to say that if the top rookie can come from nowhere, then the draft and all it's coverage and analysis must be irrelevant.

I don't mean to pick on the NBA draft and it's overhyped-ness, though. Other sports have drafts that don't make sense, either, and yet still get plenty of coverage. The WNBA draft takes place about a week before play begins. Way to give the rookies a chance there, WNBA. The NHL draft took place maybe a week ago, and for the first time, two Americans went 1 and 2 overall. Quick, name either one, or what them they went to (OK, I know the real reason nobody can name the player or the team is because hockey is irrelevant. An irrelevant league, however, holds an irrelevant draft).

The MLB draft was televised for the first time this year, and quickly, we all found out why it took so long for the draft to reach the airwaves. First, players picked in this draft go through the minor leagues for so long that even die hard fans will forget about them by the time they reach the show. Second, the MLB draft could feasibly go on forever. The MLB will continue having rounds as long as one team wants to keep going. What a way to water down the talent in your league. Can you imagine the end of the draft, when Bud Selig staggers back up to the mic and says, "With the only pick in the 234,345,136,784,856th round of the 2007, now 2008 Major League Baseball draft, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays select Verne Troyer." I know, the prospect of drafting Mini-Me sounds ridiculous, but such is the MLB draft. Players don't declare for the MLB draft, so teams can take and make offers to literally anybody. Many college players and some high school players have been drafted, then returned to school after rejecting the team's offer. I, of course, am still patiently waiting by the phone, yearning for some team to draft a diamond in the rough in the very, very, very late rounds.

There is one league that does the draft right, and of course, it's the NFL (sometimes it's just unfair how much the NFL dominates other leagues). The draft, like all things NFL, is governed by a set of rules that are unflinchingly rigid. As such, the NFL draft is a spectacle in and of itself that trumps the other leagues in TV ratings during two days in April. The NFL requires players to declare for the draft, so teams know exactly who is available. The draft is held long enough after the Super Bowl that the champs have had time to celebrate, and the fans want some football. Players picked go right to work helping to improve their team, and the Rookie of the Year (a la Vince Young) is someone the fans have actually heard of. And even the late rounds are important, as superstars like Joe Montana, Jerry Rice, Shannon Sharpe, Tom Brady, and Adalius Thomas have all come from the late rounds. Every pick is important, entire franchises rest on single picks, the drama is excruciating, and it's so much fun to watch. Other leagues, take notice.

Hopefully, TV ratings for the NHL, MLB, and NBA drafts will be so low that networks will be reluctant to pick them up next year, and we can be relieved from draft mania that seemingly never ends. As for the NFL? This years draft was so popular, yet so long, that there are talks about moving the almighty first round to prime time television on Friday night. Long live the NFL.

Peace.

Sosa What?

I think it's time to venture out of the Orioles world a little bit, and cover a national story. I can only write about how bad the O's are so many times in a week...

Sammy Sosa hit his 600th career homerun last night, joining Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, Willie Mays, and some other guy in the 600 homerun club. Please join me in letting out a collective "So what?"

Let's face it, 600 homeruns ain't what it used to be. I'm not saying that because Aaron's historic 755 is soon to be unjustly relegated to second best ever. I'm saying that because in the age of the steroid, any player who hits 600 homeruns can't be trusted.

The last two people to hit 600 homeruns are Sosa and that other guy. Sosa went on trial before Congress to defend himself against steroid accusations, and the other guy refused to. Sosa has been in the league 18 years, the other guy 21. Sosa, over his career, has averaged 33 homeruns a season, the other guy averages 35. Remarkably, both have done the bulk of their homerun hitting in their twilight years, and neither is deserving of the Hall of Fame.

I wish I could be excited for Sosa. He's a former Oriole, a generally likable guy, and was part of one of baseball's most fun seasons in 1998. Unfortunately, all of that is tainted. His season with the O's was disastrous, and we all know that Baltimore is a hotbed for steroid activity. His likability is limited when you have the thoughts of him taking illegal substances in the back of your mind. And we all know by now that the 1998 season (regarded as a season to save baseball) was a sham. McGwire was juicing, Sosa was juicing, and the whole homerun chase was about as legit as batting practice. Six-hundred homeruns isn't that big a deal when you're physically built to hit the ball 600 feet.

"But Sammy's never been caught using steroids. Why are we putting him on trial more than Bonds?" Well, anonymous question asker, I'm taking Sosa to trial for a plethora of reasons. First, he's in the headlines today. Second, he came back to the majors this year with the sole purpose of hitting his 600th homerun. That, to me, is playing for the wrong reason. It's a totally self centered motivation. He couldn't care how well the Rangers do (which is good, since the Rangers are one of the few teams worse than the O's), and now that his milestone is reached, we get to see him go into shutdown mode before ultimately retiring.

The biggest reason I'm taking Sosa to task today is because he is a known offender. Sure, he has never been caught with the 'roids, but he has been caught cheating. It wasn't too long ago that the headlines were ablaze with news that Sosa was caught with a corked bat. Sosa backpedaled so fast you would have thought he was playing cornerback in the NFL. First, he blamed the batboy. Then, he said it was a batting practice bat. I think in the end he just blamed George W. Bush, and we actually liked that one, so we stuck with it. That, however, does not excuse his use of an illegal bat. Since Sosa has been known to cheat before, how can we be sure that he has not been cheating the whole time.

Baseball is a very high pressure game. Players are called up and asked to perform to a certain standard, and more often than not, only get one shot at the bigs. As a result, players do whatever they can to make sure that the shot lasts as long as possible. For Sosa, it's been a long and rewarding ride. Unfortunately, he is going to end up in a separate annal of baseball lore, alongside "Shoeless" Joe Jackson, Pete Rose, Mark McGwire, and ultimately, that other guy. He'll be remembered as one of those players that had the ability to make the Hall of Fame, but made the wrong decisions along the way. It's because of guys like McGwire, Sosa, and Bonds that we all say "So what?" when someone hits their 600th homerun.

Peace.

Seek Counsell-ing

Well, we aren't even to the All-Star break yet, but two things are certain: The Orioles will not be anywhere near the World Series, and I know who will win the World Series...

You may be asking how I know who will win the World Series. You've obviously forgotten whose blog you're reading. Kurt Nose Best. Hello. It's in the title. I nose best, and I nose that this year's World Series Champion will come from the National League. The National League Central, more specifically, for the second year in a row. Furthermore, I know why this team will win the World Series, and I have evidence to prove that my prediction will come true.

Without further ado, I give you this years World Series Champions.... The Milwaukee Brewers. I know, you're all thinking I've fallen off my rocker. How could a team that has only 11 winning seasons in 38 seasons be on pace to win it all? How could a team that has a lifetime .471 winning percentage win the big one? What evidence could I possibly have to support this outrageous claim? My evidence is two-fold. One is the city factor, the other a glaring x-factor.

First, the city. Milwaukee. Home of the Brewers, the NBA's Bucks, and not much else. They brew beer (hence the name), eat brats, and enjoy losing. Or so we thought. Prior to the Brew Crew, the city was home to the Milwaukee Braves (now Atlanta), and one Henry "Hank" Aaron. They were proud, they were winners, and at one time, they even went all the way. The year was 1957 (wow, that is a looooooooong time ago), and the Milwaukee Braves were less than ten years away from relocating to Atlanta. It just so happened that they won the World Series in 1957. That was 50 years ago.

Fast forward to 1982. The Braves have been in Atlanta for 16 years, and are long forgotten in Milwaukee. The city has the Brewers, and it looks as though 25 years after winning the World Series, the city will once again be the pinnacle of the baseball world. The Brewers actually made it to the World Series in 1982, but alas, the tradition of the Braves was not enough, and the Brewers fell. That was 25 years ago.

So here we are in 2007. The team and the city have been miserable for the better part of 25 years. But the city is cyclical. They won the championship in 1957, lost it 25 years later, and therefore are primed to win another world championship in 2007. It's been 25 years since Milwaukee's last appearance in the show, and 50 since a win. Ipso facto, the signs point toward Milwaukee making another quarter-century showing in the World Series, and a half-century win is on the docket this year. The evidence is all right there. The city goes dancing every 25 years, and it's up to this year's Brew Crew to make sure the city has a party every 50 years.

As if the cyclical nature of the city's baseball history is not enough to convince someone that the Brewers are going to hoist the hardware this year, the team went ahead and added the ultimate insurance. They signed a player so dynamic, so versatile, and so clutch that he already boasts two World Series rings of his own. He stands at a tall 6' 0". He weighs in at a lean 175 pounds. Give it up for utility man extraordinaire, Craig Counsell.

That's right, Craig Counsell, journeyman utility infielder, is here to help Bernie Brewer slide down his slide with a ring on his finger. Again, let's look at the evidence. Counsell already has two world championships, delivering for Florida in 1997 and Arizona in 2001. Both of those teams celebrated their first World Series wins thanks largely in part to Craig Counsell. Milwaukee as a city already has one World Series, but the Brewers as a franchise are in search of their first title. Enter Counsell, who already has experience in that field.

Furthermore, let's compare the Marlins and the Diamondbacks the year that Counsell led them to the promised land. Both teams finished with a 92-70 record, good for a .567 winning percentage and a wild card berth. Both teams were huge underdogs in the playoffs, and had the deck stacked against them in the Fall Classic (Florida played a heavily favored Indians team, the D-backs KO'd the Yankees). Both teams needed Counsell's heroics during the series, then jettisoned him soon after.

Compare those two teams with the Brew Crew. Right now, they sit 34-30 (.531), meaning they need 58 more wins for the rest of the season to reach Counsell's magical 92-70 plateau. That is certainly doable, and practically done. 58-30 over the final four and a half months of the season is not that hard, especially when fate is on your side. The key may be the wild card berth. Right now, the Brewers lead their division, which is testing fate since the others were wild cards. If the Crew happen to fall and finish as the wild card, that would all but seal it. Finally, who wouldn't list the Brewers as a heavy underdog in any playoff series?

The evidence is all there. I have made my prediction, and backed that prediction with history. Many will challenge my logic, but I'll be the one laughing when the season is over. You heard it here first... the Brewers are going to win the World Series.

Peace.

Bloggin' From Work (Shhhh!)

I feel like I'm stealing company time by blogging from work, but they aren't keeping me busy, so it's their fault. I'm also on my lunch break...

It was announced today that more disillusioned morons with money want to try and test their mettle against the NFL. An investment banker, a VP at Google, and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban have banded together to create an upstart United Football League. The idea? Actually compete with the NFL (a moment will be given to squelch any laughter).

My question for these fellows is why? Why even bother to try and compete with the NFL? It's not possible. It's not even plausible. It's certainly not probable. There are no more p-words to describe the money that will be lost in this endeavor. There are currently 4 major sports in the U.S (football, basketball, baseball, and either hockey or NASCAR, depending on if you live in the North or South). There are, by my count, 7 legitimate (read "air on ESPN") professional sports leagues (the NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL, NASCAR, MLS, MLL [lacrosse, people]). There's no more room for the UFL on ESPN, let alone in the landscape of American sports. And if you are crazy enough to start some upstart league, why go after the NFL, the king, the shah, the sultan, the Grand Poobah of all American sports?

Baseball and basketball are the NFL's closest competitors, and trust me, close is a very loose term. The NFL sold out every game in the first 6 or 7 weeks of the season last year. Even Arizona was enjoying sellouts for a while. Most baseball teams can't even sell out on opening day, and some teams have tickets left over during the playoffs. Basketball fares slightly better because it has fewer games and teams, but it still can't touch the NFL. The NFL steamrolls these leagues every year in TV ratings, merchandise sales, and the all important ticket sales. The most watched sporting event any year? Not the World Series. Not the NBA Finals. It's always the Super Bowl. Even when two teams who nobody cares about are in it, people still watch just to complain that the right teams didn't make it. So if people already care more about the NFL than the MLB and NBA, my next question becomes who is going to watch the UFL Bowl?

The fact that they are challenging the NFL is not even the most fatal flaw that the three investors are making in this costly endeavor. The worst idea they have had so far is that all their franchises will be based in cities without NFL teams. I give them an A for creativity, but an E for results. Going by their logic, they will have Los Angeles, and very little else. If a city does not have an NFL franchise, it is for good reason: the NFL does not want a franchise there (except LA, but they don't support their teams anyway). The NFL has the big markets covered: New York, New England, Washington, Bay Area California, Miami, Green Bay (just kidding). That leaves the UFL with what? LA. Mark Cuban wants to put a franchise in Las Vegas, and will receive no complaint from the NFL. The remaining cities have yet to be announced, but they must be somewhere along the lines of Memphis, Birmingham, Orlando, Portland, San Antonio, and Oklahoma City. These cities are definitely deserving of franchises, but also have NFL teams nearby to crush any UFL competition. Fans wouldn't abandon the Titans or Dolphins or Cowboys or Seahawks to root for lesser caliber teams in a lesser caliber league.

That brings me to my next point: think about who is going to play in this league. It will be full of NFL castoffs, college superstars who couldn't cut it in the real league, and average schmucks who want one last shot at glory. Who wants to watch that? That'll be like watching a high school reunion game or an old timers game. It won't be fast. It won't be fun. There will be very little scoring, and almost zero passing or defense. The players that end up in the UFL also have to be rejected from the mildly successful Arena League, which means they are truly of poor caliber. To recap, it's going to be crappy football played in cities that can't support teams by players who really should have other jobs. Well, let me set my Tivo (shut up, I know I don't have a Tivo).

Other people have challenged the NFL before. When was the last time anybody spoke about the World Football League, the USFL, or the XFL? All of these leagues folded in less than four years, and they had franchises in major markets. The UFL is making an unnecessary attempt to topple a giant that can't be toppled, using tactics that won't work, in cities where it won't happen. The UFL is slated to start play in 2008. Depending on which month it starts, I predict it will be in the annals of bad ideas by late 2008 or early 2009. I just thank God that Art Modell moved the Browns to Baltimore, and we don't have the possibility of getting stuck with a UFL team.

Peace.

Who Do VooDoo? Apparently, I Do

This will be my last post for the week, for a plethora of reasons, among them: 1) I have more important things to do (study for finals anyone?); 2) Reporters don't write sports stories on the weekend, so it's hard to find material; 3) I can't keep this pace of a new post every single day, so I think it's a good time to start the precedent of taking the weekends off. With that said, today's post...

It was brought to my attention after yesterday's post that I have mystical powers. A reader who asked to remain anonymous (it was Keith) said:

"I would like to know what kind of voodoo you are into. Two blogs ago you
wrote
about the Cubs and their pitcher Mark Prior. Later that same day
SI.com reports
Prior is out for the season after undergoing shoulder
surgery. In your last blog
you talked about Minnesota Twins outfielder Torii
Hunter, that very same day
Hunter is beamed in the mouth with a fastball
(while facing the Kansas City
Royals in fact)."

First of all, players do not get "beamed", Scotty. They get beaned. Secondly, behold my power. It is nice to know that I have the power to drop the whammy on whoever I wish, but before we start carelessly slinging the whammy around, let's try to understand my power a little bit.

First and foremost, it appears as though my powers only extend to baseball players, seeing as my first couple of posts pertained to football, and Vince Young, Brian Urlacher, and Ricky Williams are yet to appear on the side of a milk carton. This is going to be quite a useful tool, however, and I will demonstrate why.

The next post was about A-Roid, speculating that his super human start could have been caused by something else, possibly illegal. I mentioned the Yankees in that post, dated Saturday, April 21st. The Yankees have not won a game since (yay me). The next post was about the red-hot Orioles getting no love from the media. That post was dated April 22nd. The Orioles haven't won a game since (I need to know when to shut up).

On Tuesday, I reported on the prolonged ineptitude of the Chicago Cubs, mentioning by name Mark Prior. Prior was placed on the DL for the rest of the season the next day because of shoulder surgery. On Wednesday, I wrote about the situation involving Torii Hunter, and on Thursday he got clocked in the mouth by a fastball. All of these serve as evidence that I in fact have a considerable amount of power in these typing fingers, but only when it comes to baseball players and teams. Hopefully, the trend continues, because yesterday I wrote about Curt Schilling, and it'd be nice to see him have a few aches and pains, if nothing else just to bloody up some more socks.

As a firm believer in all curses, and most things supernatural, it's nice to finally give back to the curse community with one of my own. That being said, I would like to introduce my new friend who will assist me in carrying out my powers. His name is El Whammo, and he will be called upon usually twice a week to do my bidding. For the weekend, I leave you with this:

Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians.

Have a good weekend.

Peace.

Droppin' El Whammo: Cleveland Indians

Wednesday Trend?

As you all undoubtedly recall, last Wednesday's post was about the absurdity involved with Brian Urlacher being fined by the NFL for his vitaminwater hat. Today, the story is even more absurd, leading to a peculiar Wednesday trend... does Wednesday need a special moniker, such as Wacky Wednesday? You be the judge...

Torii Hunter is both a good baseball player and a general all around good person. He is articulate, well spoken, thoughtful, and most of all, likes to have fun. As center fielder for the Minnesota Twins, fun must abound for Mr. Hunter, but late last year, he decided to create some more fun.

During the last week of the season, Hunter's Twins were in second place in the AL Central, behind Detroit. The Tigers were in Kansas City to rip the lowly Royals a new one before heading off to the playoffs. Something strange happened on the road to the playoffs for Detroit, however; they lost to the Royals, and the Twins ended up winning the division, with the Tigers taking the wild-card spot.

When alerted of this news, Torii Hunter jokingly quipped that he would send each member of the Royals a bottle of champagne for helping out the Twins. This weekend, he semi-made good on his promise, having four bottles of champagne delivered to the Royals locker room before their game with the Twins. Then, things went awry.

Major League Baseball caught wind of this seemingly harmless joke (which also doubles as a nice gesture, which is a rarity among jokes), and acted swiftly with the hand of judgement. First, the league ordered the champagne be returned to Minnesota unopened, as this was in violation of the league's antiquated "No Gift" policy. Then, the league had to decide what to do with the sinister perpetrator, Torii Hunter.

The "No Gift" rule is a rule that exists to prohibit players from one team giving gifts to players of another in an attempt to bribe the opposing team to throw the game or what have you. It most assuredly came about in the wake of the Chicago Black Sox scandal, but has since been enforced maybe this once, and here's why: violation of the no gift rule carries a minimum suspension of THREE YEARS!!!!! Minimum three years. Minimum. The least amount is three years. Years. Three sets of twelve months. Three cycles of 365 days. That's a long time in baseball.

The league, it appears, is not going to level the harsh punishment upon Torii Hunter, since the bottles were returned unopened, although slightly confused as to why they (being champagne bottles) were almost wasted on the Royals. What a horrible life for champagne, but I digress. Hunter should not have the punishment levied upon him for a plethora of reasons. First, the drinks were a thank you for an act already performed, so the gift served no purpose in influencing the Royals present day performance (although many fans would argue it always seems as though the Royals are drunk). Second, the rule is antiquated. There is so much riding on any game late in the season, and there is so much press in every locker room the entire season, that it has to be impossible for anybody to sneak a gift to an opposing team without someone noticing. Third, IT WAS A JOKE! It was meant to thank a team that is a perpetual bunch of losers, and give them a reason to enjoy champagne. The Twins were going to the playoffs anyway, so the only repercussion of KC winning was the the Twins drew the A's in the first round instead of the Yankees (which backfired anyway, seeing as the Twins got pasted in the first round).

In addition to all of this, the penalty most definitely does not fit the crime. In a league where players found guilty of taking a performance enhancing drug get a 10 game suspension, a man found guilty of having fun gets a 3 year suspension. How does that even begin to make sense? The league refuses to suspend the big headed, pill popping "slugger" from San Francisco when everybody knows hes on the 'roids, but it was ready and willing to pass swift judgement upon a man who represents the league with class and dignity for just having a little bit of fun. Imagine the scene when Bud Selig found out about Gift Gate (yeah, its gate-worthy): the commish is seated in his huge leather chair, behind his huge mahogany desk, lighting a cigar with a five dollar bill, when his pee-on aide rushes in. Upon hearing the news from the pee-on, the commish drops his cigar, utters a nice "Oh my sweet lord", opens the second drawer of his desk, and presses a huge red button labeled "GIFT GIVER". At this moment, air raid sirens go off, and the office transforms into a defense bunker, where a huge map of the US has a tiny blip on it in Minnesota. Only one person could be responsible.

Luckily, it appears as though leveler heads are going to prevail, and Hunter will not get the three year ban, since the bottles were returned unopened. That's good for Hunter, in that he doesn't owe three years of salary to the Twins. Its good for baseball in that it doesn't look quite as ridiculous. It's good for the champagne, because it won't be wasted on the Royals. And it's good for the Royals, because they won't be confused as to what type of play merits champagne. Of course Hunter, in his usual good nature, had a laugh about the whole thing, saying, "I have three brothers that can help me finish them". That sounds like one hell of a party. Thank god there are people like Torii Hunter in sports that can keep things like this in perspective.

Peace.

Two for the Price of One

It's your lucky day, two rants in the same space as one, and each of the same high quality that keeps you coming back for more (that and the fact that you're all family and friends, and I know where you live)...

As much as I wish I didn't have to, I would be absolutely remissed if I didn't comment on the Red Sox- Yankee game from last night. More correctly, the Red Sox and Yankees took batting practice against each other. There were 6 (count 'em) homeruns hit in the game, including two by Mike Lowell, and 4 in A FRIGGIN' ROW from the Red Sox. The question I ask is, where the hell was the pitching? Aren't these two teams supposed to be the powerhouses of Major League Baseball? Don't powerhouses usually have people who don't throw meatballs when the count is better than 3-0? Even the immortal, sure-fire first ballot Hall of Famer Dice-K Matsuzaka (I contest that he deserves 100% of the votes) had a less than stellar outing, plunking both A-Roid and Derek Jeter (if you're gonna do it, do it right). Pitching is the definite mark of a playoff team, and right now, neither one of these teams has any, as evidenced by the home run derby last night.

When I heard that Boston teed off four times in a row, it made me wonder, "When was the last time that happened, because that's pretty hard to do?" Well, it turns out that the last time it happened was in '06... 2006. Somehow, the media managed to slip the Dodger's four homerun night last summer by me, even though I spend half of my waking hours scouring the web for sports related news. I cannot put it any better than Si.com's Peter McEntegart, however, so I will let him finish my point:

"The Red Sox set a new major league record by hitting
back-to-back-to-back-to-back home runs in Sunday's 7-6 win over the Yankees to
sweep the series. Well, teams have technically hit four consecutive homers
before, but those don't really count because it wasn't Yankees-Red Sox."

You have to love when words carry that much truth.

One strange connection between the Dodgers four homerun feat and Bostons turning Fenway Park into a driving range is the presence of JD Drew on both teams. Not only that, Drew homered for both teams during the onslaught, meaning he obviously must have some sort of mystical powers. Lets hope he limits his powers to one night a year, unless he dons Black and Orange one day.

Speaking of the Black and Orange, it almost looked as though my prowess in the sports-media world had finally taken hold. One day after ranting about the lack of coverage the surging Orioles were receiving, I found this headline on Si.com's baseball page: Orioles winning, Blue Jays ailing. I was about one second from doing a Chandler Dance in victory for using my considerably squeaky wheel to get some oil for the O's, but alas, I was misled by the tantalizing creativity of the headline editors. When I actually read the article, it became appalling apparent that the purpose of the article was not to exalt the Orioles, but rather to point out that the Orioles' winning streak has been against the likes of Kansas City, Tampa Bay, and Toronto. The writer (a Cliff Corcoran... who is now On Notice) credited the Orioles' winning to the other teams losing, and Toronto falling to pieces because of the injury bug. After the Orioles got some mention in the first paragraph, Mr. Corcoran writes about the Jays woes, then slips back into the norm of writing about the Sox and Yankees (how cliche). Thankfully, he was writing a blog, and the sports world (O's fans and non-O's fans alike) were wise enough to rip him a new one. Click the link to view both the poorly written article, and stick around and read the comments that question his writing ability and his credit as a sports journalist.

After reading the unbearable filth that Mr. Corcoran felt was Internet worthy (it was a slap in the face to blog writers everywhere), I figured I could lick my wounds by reading a credible journalist, the honorable John Donovan, the Power Ranker for baseball on Si.com. John does the right thing by ranking the Orioles 7th overall (probably a little high... he must've been hanging out with Ricky Williams), but then falls flat by backhanding the crap out the Orioles when he thought no one was reading (I read everything, John Donovan). For the comment next to the #17 Blue Jays, Donovan says "The Jays tumble down the PRs courtesy of a five-game skid, the last three losses to a team (the O's) that shouldn't be beating them." Jerk can go to hell. I'm done with him.

I'd like to end on a happy note, and nothing makes me happier than the misery that is the Washington Nationals. Go here http://washington.nationals.mlb.com/multimedia/tp_archive.jsp?c_id=was
and scroll down to April 21. Click on "Chico's Wild Pitch", and watch the worst wild pitch since the Mayor of Cincinnati on Opening Day. I'd even go as far to say that this may be the worst display of professional athleticism in the history of sport. The announcer is dead on when he quotes Bob Uecker... this one was "Juuuuuuuuust a bit outside" (outside in this case meaning OVER THE FIRST BASE DUGOUT!!!!). Watch the video, and smile knowing that the Orioles cannot possibly be as bad as the Nats.

Peace.

Hey, Look at Us

Here comes the rant you all must have known was coming...

What the hell does it take to get noticed by the beat writers covering Major League Baseball nowadays? Is an 11-7 record and a half game out of first in baseball's "toughest division" not enough to get even a meager mention?

If you're dense and didn't realize what I'm ranting about yet, it seems that I am the only sport-knowledgeable writer on the entire Internet that has noticed the Orioles this year. On Si.com, the O's were briefly mentioned as the last headline on the MLB page (and it was a rather derogatory headline, I might add... "Orioles finish rare home sweep of Blue Jays"). On ESPN.com, they couldn't even buy space on the baseball only page, despite winning their fourth game in a row and 8 out of their last 9 (seriously, just a mention would be nice).

So what, then, is taking up all this prime cyber-real estate? Well, it's not football season, so it's not Peyton Manning or Pats v. Colts. Pro basketball hasn't reached the critical phase yet, so it's not Lebron. College basketball is long over, so it's not Coach K. That leaves only one option... hockey! (sorry, couldn't resist). No, seriously, it's Yankees v. Red Sox, shocker.

Let's paint the picture here... First place versus third place. Team that overspent on unproven Japanese "superstar" versus one-trick pony (see previous post). First series of what seems like four hundred to be played between the two teams this year, and each one will get just as much media attention as all the rest, unless, God help us, one is played in October. Sadly, this one is in April, the month that nobody will care about come October anyway.

Which brings me back to my original point... where's the harm in giving the Orioles a little love while we're still mathematically alive? April 22nd of 2006 was the last time the Orioles were 3 games above .500, and here we are, on April 22nd, 2007, and we are now 4 games above .500 and in second place. The Orioles couldn't string together four wins until August last year, and as we all know, by August its time to fugghedaboutit in Charm City, cause Raven's camp will be starting soon. At this point, the Orioles have put together two (count 'em) four game winning streaks, with only a loss to those pesky pesky Devil Rays preventing a 9 gamer.

This is the time of the year when almost anybody (sorry Nats and Royals) still has hope that they can be this year's Detroit Tigers, and damn it, in Baltimore, it just feels right (gotta love the false hope of April). The hitting is streaky, but at least someone is getting it done each night. The starting pitching, long the Bird's main weakness, looks like it may have hit its stride a little bit. And my God, did my eyes deceive me, or did the bullpen actually hold the lead three times against Toronto this weekend? This is the time of the year when nobody really cares about baseball, so why can't Sports Illustrated and ESPN give a little attention to the little teams that could?

The answer, of course, is money. New York and Boston have bigger populations, and therefore more potential readers. Load up the front pages with pictures of Dice-K and A-Roid (nice touch, I know), and the loyal Stankees and Red Sux fans will be drawn like moths to a flame. That, in turn, results in more advertising dollars for the respective websites, which is all that really matters. Forget that the Orioles are red hot right now, and actually deserve the headlines over the Yankees especially.

The second part of the Orioles' apparent lack of importance lies in who is actually delivering the 11-7 record so far. The Oriole lineup has one bonafide star, Miguel Tejada. Sure, we have a two-time All-Star third baseman, an All-Star caliber second baseman, and stars in the making both in right field and in the starting rotation, but that can't compare with the overall sex appeal of the New York and Boston lineups. Those lineups, pricey as they are, are chock full of "All-Stars" (on paper), and are even easier to market. Of course, neither lineup was good enough to win the World Series last year, and one wasn't even good enough to make the playoffs, thereby justifying my point that neither team is above the rest of the league.

The Orioles are probably doing their annual April practice of giving each fan just enough hope that when the wheels fall off the wagon in late May/ early June, we will be genuinely upset. However, while the team is good, it would be nice to see the media recognize it for a little while. Let the teams that will ultimately buy their way into October (again) wait their turn... they'll get plenty of coverage when the leaves turn brown, football starts again, and I forget that Baltimore even has a baseball team.

Peace.

Just a Thought

On ESPN2's Cold Pizza yesterday, two baseball "experts" were trying to figure out the cause behind A-Rod's hot start this season. The question asked of the men was, "What has gotten into A-Rod?" I have an idea...

Steroids! I don't think it's that far fetched to believe that the MLB's baby would possibly be on steroids. I now issue my disclaimer that this is all conjecture. I have no facts or support to back this up, but I do have some logic, which I will now draw upon.

A-Rod has all the motivation in the world to be using steroids at this point in his career. He is 32 years old, and starting to enter the twilight of his career. Consider how many players past their prime are on the 'roids (Bonds, Sosa, Giambi), and then realize that A-Rod is no different from the rest of them. To add even more motivation, he plays in New York, where no matter what you do (AL MVP?), it's not good enough. The fact that A-Rod has not delivered any community hardware to the Bronx since he has been there has put him under the finest microscopes New York has to offer. This provides another catalyst for him to foray into the dark underworld of baseball.

In addition to all that, lets just take a quick glance at the numbers as well. Currently, he is on pace for 248 hits, 130 homeruns, and 324 RBIs. All of these, obviously, are MLB records, and probably world records. He won't maintain this pace by any stretch of the imagination, but doesn't it seem a little late in the year to still be maintaining that pace? We are almost one month into the season, and he's still posting numbers like it is Little League. A-Rod has almost double the amount of homeruns as the next closest big leaguer, and has double the amount of RBIs of the man in second. I can't dispute that A-Rod is good, because he is, afterall, a two-time AL MVP; however, this is absolutely ridiculous for a man who averages 192 hits/year, 44 hr/year, and 127 RBIs/year.

Lets suffice it to say that I would not be surprised if come June, July, or August if national headlines read "A-Rod Slapped with 10 Game Ban for 'Roidin'". The only thing that serves as consolation in all of this is that for how good A-Rod has been, the Yankees have been thoroughly mediocre. Yankee pitching is in shambles, the rest of the offense is lackluster, and its only a matter of time before those world famous boos start raining down in Yankee Stadium. At the time of this writing, the Yankees sit 2 games back of first place Boston, and A HALF A GAME BEHIND THE ORIOLES!!!!! Strike up the band and start the parade Baltimore... lets celebrate some good times!

Peace.

(p.s. I have adjusted the settings so that anonymous users can post comments now, so you don't have to have a Google account to post.)