Cut!

Well, it's May, and that really doesn't mean much. Some months start off really well, but it seems like this month started off wrong for one person in particular...

Mere days after saying on national television how excited he was to start the grooming of new Panther's WR Dwayne Jarrett, Keyshawn Johnson had the proverbial rug pulled out from under him. The veteran and vociferous Panther's wideout was cut by Carolina on Monday, thus ending any chance he had of taking young Mr. Jarrett under his wing and raising another in a proud line of loud, annoying, me-first receivers. It just seems unfathomable to see something like this happen to someone who is just so goshdarn likable, but as I dove deeper into the issue, I came to a startling realization: Keyshawn Johnson is one of the few remaining of a dying breed. The time has come where the tall, possession receiver is just not going to cut it anymore.

Keyshawn should not feel bad at his situation, because it is going to happen to a lot of people like him in the coming years, and the reason is because wide receiver turnover from a team standpoint is enormous. Teams go through receivers like the average person goes through cereal, and the last thing you want is a stale box of "Me-shawn Flakes" stinking up your cereal cabinet. Generally speaking, most teams carry 5 wideouts. Ambitious teams carry 6, and stupid teams carry 7. That leaves a lot of room for turnover due to competition, injury, age, the draft, disloyalty, and TO. Wide receivers also suffer from an illness in that they aren't the cure. Teams (the good ones, anyway) do not make it a habit of building the franchise around a wide receiver (Matt Millen!) as much they do a QB, RB, or even some defenders. As such, a dying breed like Keyshawn's is subject to the axe, as good ol' Me-shawn found out today.

So what exactly is Keyshawn's breed that is dying? It's a derivative of the Michael Irvin School of Football and Citizenship. Essentially, the main lesson is that self-promotion is the only way to get ahead in this world. Others may have to suffer, but that's OK, because they're essentially useless anyway. If you aren't catching the ball, the QB is clearly not getting the ball to you, and the coach is not calling enough plays featuring you. When this happens, it is customary to yell at all listeners on the sidelines and embarrass the crap out of your team. If needed, make sure your problems with the team spill over into the locker room; call out teammates by name, challenge the coaches in meetings, and even criticize the city. It may cost you fans, but the media will love you, and that, after all, is how you get ahead for good. You know you can't play football forever, so you have to make sure everybody remembers you during your time in the League, because you never know when ESPN, CBS, NBC, FOX, ESPN2, ESPNews, ESPNU, or ESPNDeportes will come calling.

Aside from the social and mental aspects of the antiquated wide receiver, the Neverus Shutupamus (Latin name) possesses a pretty standard skill set. Since they play a pretty one-dimensional position, it became easy for the taller, stronger men to separate themselves from their shorter and weaker counterparts. As a whole, the Keyshawns of the world fell into the Run Route, Catch Ball, Repeat as Necessary routine, and for a while it worked quite well. The problem was , they couldn't prevent aging.

Soon enough, this type of receiver got old, and started dropping balls (TO), or couldn't run as fast as they once could (Randy Moss). The possession receiver has been replaced by speedier receivers, who, once they catch the ball, can make a defender miss. Pundits call this "explosiveness". These receivers aren't nearly as tall or as strong, but they make bigger plays. Tall receivers like Keyshawn, TO, and Moss can't function in today's high-tech, West Coast offenses because they are deep threats. The West Coast offense is the tortoise's offense, not the hare's, and the deep ball doesn't need to be thrown (which begs the question "why are teams so concerned with their QB's arm strength?"). West Coast offenses would rather throw the safe five yard pass to a speedy receiver, and let their shifty moves, agility, and quickness take the ball the rest of the way.

This safe approach to offense has made short, quick receivers like Steve Smith, Marvin Harrison, Mark Clayton, Anquan Boldin, Torry Holt, and Chad Johnson en vouge. The bonus is that they can all catch the deep ball if need be. That leaves the poor receivers of yesteryear relegated to goal line duty, where their use is to run a route in the back of the endzone that will fool the defense just long enough for the running back to go untouched into the endzone. Every once in a while a ball will be thrown their way, and that ball will have to serve enough to stroke their ego for the time being.

So what happens to Keyshawn now that nobody is going to give him the damn ball? He'll probably be signed by a WR-needy team (or New England, who is trying to hoard up all the WRs), and end up retiring after the season. I'm sure he can find work in the TV studio. He did a great job for ESPN this weekend, except for that part about grooming Dwayne Jarrett...

Peace.

Feeling a Little Drafty

Welcome back. The weekend was dominated by the NFL, which happens most weekends; this one was special, however, because it was draft weekend. I offer my thoughts...

Let me begin by saying that I am not of the camp that thinks that the Draft is the biggest sporting event in America. Its not even close. I'd take any NFL regular season Sunday, the playoffs, the Super Bowl, the NCAA Tournament, and possibly the World Series before the Draft. I do, however, love to watch as much of the Draft as I possibly can, and while I am certainly no Mel Kiper, can hold my own when it comes to predicting who will land where (in the first round anyway), which brings me to my first point...

What the deuce was Miami thinking? Is locking up a franchise QB in the first round not exciting enough? Would you rather have the drama of selecting an on the fence wide receiver with a gimpy leg who was possibly only good in college because he played for The Ohio State University? Miami will come to regret this decision in years to come, and not for the reasons you'd think. Miami will regret wasting the pick on Ted Ginn, and not taking someone who could've actually provided help. As for Brady Quinn, he would have given Miami every reason to kick itself, if he wasn't drafted by the Brownie Scouts. Sadly, the NFL's answer to the Cubs will probably see Brady fall by the wayside (see Couch, Tim; Brown, Courtney; Warren, Gerard; Green, William; Winslow, Kellen; Edwards, Braylon) and then see what Dallas ends up taking with their first pick in 2008. Phil Savage, the Brown's GM, said that this past Saturday could signal the turning point in the franchise's history, but that's only if the Football Gods finally decide that maybe Cleveland is worthy of a team. For now, the jury is out on Brady Quinn, and as a Raven's fan, I think I speak for everyone when I say "Curse you Phil Savage... for shame!"

In related news, the Cowboys traded their first round pick to Cleveland for the Brownie Scouts' first choice in 2008 (almost assuredly a top ten pick), and then still managed to get back into the first round by somehow convincing Philadelphia that they are no longer in the same division. The Eagles, known for their boisterous and rather mean fans, were most likely greeted by a resounding BOOOO when the trade was announced, and rightfully so. This isn't the same as trading with an inter-Conference team who you might see every four years or so. This is giving the fire power of a first round pick to a team that you will see twice every year until the end of time. The Cowboys chose a defensive end with the pick, and that DE will most likely wreak havoc on Donovan McNabb next year, because that's just how things seem to go for the Iggles. I'd like to think that every time Anthony Spencer drops McNabb next year, three things happen: 1) The Eagles faithful let out a nice BOOOO like only they know how; 2)McNabb looks up at the Owner's Box at owner Jeff Lurie and gives him a "why have you forsaken me?" type look; 3)The announcer calling the game says "Well, Bob, they really brought that sack upon themselves by giving the Cowboys that pick". The other problem with this trade is that the Eagles had plenty to work on within their own team at the draft without helping out the direct competition. The Eagles have no bona-fide wideouts, so they probably could have been very well suited with a Craig Davis or Anthony Gonzalez. Instead, they chose to make their own road to the playoffs that much harder. Oy.

In still other draft weekend news, the Patriots acquired Randy Moss in a trade with Oakland, a day after drafting a PR nightmare in the first round with the selection of Miami (FL) safety Brandon Merriweather. Apparently, the brain trust running the show in New England (coach Bill 'Sweatpants' Belichick and GM Scott Pioli) thought the game of football has become just too goshdarn easy to only worry about the things going on on the field. They want to prove to the world that they can handle any problems that any players can throw at them, even within the team. Moss is basket case. He was TO before being a jackass was cool. He wrote the book on calling out your teammates after a loss, congratulating yourself after a win, and getting your own coach fired (twice). He's the kind of player that's thrilled to death when you're winning, and bored to death when you're losing, and usually yelling at somebody during both. Can Moss still play? I don't think so. He's old, he's not as fast as he used to be, and he takes his baggage everywhere. Defenders aren't scared of him, because they have the speed to keep up with him, and they're pretty sure he's not trying on most plays. Coaches can't stand him because he doesn't listen, and the media loves him because he's a loose cannon.

But things will be different in New England, right? People don't cause problems in the Patriots' locker room. Bill Belichick is the ultimate disciplinarian. People are scared of the wrath of Belichick. This is a franchise that has won three Super Bowls on the strength of team chemistry alone. Never have the Patriots had the best players. Peyton Manning is infinitely better than Tom Brady at QB, but Brady owned Manning up until a little while ago, and why? Chemistry. Not physics, not biology, chemistry. Now the Pats want to test their true mettle with a player that is a regular alchemist, and see if they can still keep up. Many pundits have already penciled the Pats in for the Super Bowl, but I think Moss may be the exact reason they don't make it, not the reason they do. I'd just to say you heard it here first: Randy Moss will be a distraction and a problem in New England just like he was everywhere else; Belichick and the Pats are not above the stupid crap that Randy Moss is capable of.

The steal of the draft was made, of course, by the Ravens and the Wizard that is Ozzie Newsome. At the end of the fifth round, the Ravens grabbed a Heisman Trophy Winner that all 31 other teams had passed on at least twice (the 'Skins finally had their second pick in the fifth round... morons). Troy Smith fell so far because he is only six feet tall. He is only six feet tall. He is only six feet tall. God help us. Troy Smith has already proven that he can play; he was the driving force behind Ohio State's undefeated season and near-National Championship (near, of course, meaning getting shellacked in the Championship Game), and he is a Heisman Trophy winner. He is by no means ready to play right now, but that is where the trade for Steve McNair last year means that much more to the Ravens. Now, the Purple and Black Attack can play McNair, groom Troy Smith, and jettison the debacle that has been Kyle 'Toilet' Boller (gotta love that arm strength, right Oakland?). The team is in the makings of finally having that face-of-the-franchise QB that it has been looking for, and he was acquired in the Wizard's favorite part of the draft. I think Ozzie likes the later rounds better than the first and second, because he can always find a bargain, and if he doesn't who cares, it was a late round pick. There really is no pressure on Smith, because nobody expects anything of him. He can just go to work, learn the offense, and hopefully one day take control and lead the Ravens for years to come. For comparison sake, all of the following QBs are under 6'2": Drew Brees, Tony Romo, Donovan McNabb, Brett Favre, Michael Vick, Jake Delhomme, and David Garrard. All of these QBs are winners (maybe not Garrard, but we'd just be splitting hairs then), and they're all scrappy. If Troy Smith is scrappy just like them, he'll fit in well in Baltimore, because after all, we love the scrappy.

Peace.

Droppin' Los Whammos: Detroit Tigers, Cleveland Browns, Rachel's Office (I apparently take requests now)

Marijuana, Marijuana

There's a lot of marijuana related news in the NFL today, and sadly, it all just seems rather mundane. What has become of us that we think, "Oh, he just smoked some marijuana"? Without further ado, we dive right in...

The Rams have said they are interested in acquiring Dolphins' running back Ricky Williams, should he be granted his reinstatement. Williams was suspended before last season for failing his 4,872,497,298,472nd drug test, after retiring to go smoke pot with the Aborigines in Australia (if you're gonna do it, do it right). He filed for reinstatement recently, and will most assuredly get it, because he demonstrated that his ship has been righted; he played an entire season in Canada last year. Now his decision to come out of retirement was fueled entirely by his love of the game of football (read as the money acquired by playing the game of football), so the Rams apparently believe his character is no longer in question. I beg to differ... let's review:

The New Orleans Saints drafted Ricky with the first overall pick out of Texas in (I think) 1999. Williams represented all of the Saints draft picks that year, as he was such a can't miss draft pick that the Saints traded ALL OF THEIR PICKS for the chance to take him number 1. Unfortunately for New Orleans, he missed. The highlight of his Saints career was dressing up in a wedding dress for a magazine cover with Mike Ditka, and he ultimately replaced by Deuce McAllister, who is, in turn, currently being replaced by one Reggie Bush. He was soon shipped to the Dolphins, who have such great luck with trades recently (see Culpepper, Daunte). In Miami, his career appeared resurrected, as he totaled respectable rushing numbers for two years. Then, he felt the call, not of God, but of grass. He retired weeks before Miami began training camp, hanging the Dolphins out to dry. He was tracked down somewhere in the middle of the outback (eating a different kind of "Bloomin' Onion") and told he owed the Dolphins somewhere in the ballpark of $80,000,000 (big ballpark). Suddenly, the drive to play football came rushing back to him.

Ricky apparently had a good accountant, because he realized that how much weed he could buy with that $80 mill, and soon returned to Miami, only to pee in a cup and end up in Canada (I wonder how many stories actually end like that). After serving his sentence playing Canada's unique brand of outdoor Arena football, Ricky is up for reinstatement, and the Rams just may be stupid enough to bite.

The Rams, frankly, have no business with Ricky Williams, other than their coaching connection. The Rams' head coach coached Ricky in Miami, when he didn't suck too bad (maybe he was on something). However, the bad here clearly outweighs the good. Ricky will be a distraction from day one. He will undoubtedly fail another drug test, and cause more distractions. He will be a horrible influence on young Ram RB Stephen Jackson, and could potentially derail an up and coming career. If the Rams are smart (we looking into it), they will pass on the grass and let Ricky sink Miami even further.

It'd be nice if that was the only pot related story out of the NFL today, but the next one just gets weirder. Three projected top ten draft picks admitted during their interviews with teams during the Combine that they have smoked marijuana in the past. Apparently, they were not briefed on things you should and should not tell prospective employers. Calvin Johnson, Gaines Adams, and Amobi Okoye all admitted during their pre-draft interviews that had tried pot in the past. Whats more absurd, and a little bit hypocritical, is that the draftniks are saying that these revelations have not affected the draft status of any of the three of them. In a league that all the sudden has put character at the forefront of everything it does (Cincinnati Bengals, Pacman Jones), the teams are willing to let this admitted felony go. It doesn't matter how much it was, or what the circumstances were, these men committed a crime when they smoked the marijuana. Call me old fashioned, but I think that them admitting it should count as them failing their first drug test. It should carry the same penalty that is levied on any player that is found to be doing the same.

Instead, the media is lauding (means praising) these men for admitting it. Now, I for one do not care what people have done in the past... unless they admit to a felony during what was essentially a job interview. This obviously shows a grandiose lack of judgement on their part, and could possibly reflect the type of character they choose to be. Remember, Ricky Williams was a can't miss draft prospect. If you don't believe me, scroll up, and read it again. Marijuana ruined his career, and now he has to fight for his right to play in the League. Some people think its just a harmless drug, but for the three men that admitted to using it (and all the ones that didn't, as well), it could spell the beginning of the end. Just ask Ricky... the NFL only gives you four second chances.

Peace.

Constitution Need Not Apply

This just in from the Department of Absurdity...

The No Fun League came down hard on Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher today, leveling him a $100,000 fine for wearing an unauthorized hat during Super Bowl media day. An unauthorized hat. An unauthorized... hat. They were also going to cite him for wearing a hat without a license, wearing a hat while intoxicated, wearing a hat under the influence, and operating a vehicle while wearing a hat, but thought those rules were just silly.

Seriously, why does Brian Urlacher, a grown man who could inflict physical damage upon almost anybody, have to ask a room full of scrawny, white old men for permission to wear a particular hat? Money, of course, is the answer.

The hat Urlacher was wearing featured the logo of vitaminwater, a company that Urlacher apparently endorses, given that he was drinking said beverage at the infamous press conference. Unfortunately for Urlacher, vitaminwater is not an official NFL sponsor. In fact, only Gatorade is to be consumed by players in public, as it is the "Official Drink of the NFL". As such, Urlacher would have been well within his rights to wear a Gatorade hat, shirt, pants, shoes, socks, underwear, bathing suit, bath robe, tube top, hula skirt, or mumu, but is getting slapped with a rather hefty fine for having vitaminwater scribbled across his hat.

Its times like these when you just shake your head at what the NFL does. Uniform police aside (different rant for another day), this dictating of appropriate corporate attire has to border on Unconstitutional. Isn't Urlacher simply exercising his right to freedom of expression? To me, it seems like he is expressing his opinion that vitaminwater is better than Gatorade, and therefore more worthy of his endorsement. His opinion is costing him $100,000 to express, and that just seems absurd. What other Constitutional rights have been sacrificed to play in the NFL? Isn't this the same league that ran rampant with felons up until a week ago, and these felons had no repercussions? This act took place after most of Pacman Jones' transgressions, but the rulebook did not have to be rewritten for Mr. Urlacher... the NFL is very clear on what opinions the players may or may not have.

Have you ever seen a player on the sidelines wearing Under Armour? Possibly. Was the logo visible? Definitely not. Players can, by NFL contractual obligations, not show any logo on their clothing besides RBK (Reebok). This very instance involving Under Armour was discussed by John Feinstein in his book, Next Man Up. While on the sidelines during a Raven's game, one of the trainers was asked to cover up an Under Armour logo that was clearly visible, as Under Armour is only a sponsor of the Ravens, not the NFL. So while every player wears it, and most players endorse it, Under Armour is not allowed to benefit from the free advertising that it is entitled to from the support of NFL players.

In all honesty, vitaminwater may be enjoying this story, as any publicity is good publicity, especially when you're vitaminwater. Who has actually heard of vitaminwater before this story anyway. But the principle remains true; the contract rules of the NFL are ridiculously, unflinchingly rigid. Does baseball mandate that all players wear one type of batting glove? No. Does the NBA require that all players wear one type of headband? No. The NFL does though. Ask Jim McMahon.

When former Bears QB McMahon (what is it about the Bears?) wore an Adidas headband during a game, he was slapped with a fine from then-commish Pete Rozelle. The next game, McMahon wore another headband, with ROZELLE written across it (see Chad Johnson, thats called originality in comedy). McMahon was an innovator, and thank god there was someone out there willing to make a total mockery of a horrible rule.

Let's just hope that after Urlacher finished his vitaminwater (while wearing his hat), he asked permission to use the restroom, so as to not take an unauthorized pee.

Peace.

Curses!

Well its official... a couple of things are actually.

#1, welcome to Kurt Nose Best, the only place to get my rantings about the sports world, the real world, and other topics as I so choose. This will be my official place to rant, so henceforth, if you feel one of my opinion storms coming on, check here first. I'm sure I have something to say on almost anything.

#2, this will be my only comment on VT... its a horrible tragedy, and it could have happened anywhere. Instead of blaming the police and the administration, we should blame the gunman, because it was truly his fault and his alone. My heart goes out to all who suddenly have a little dimmer outlook on life.

#3, its that time of the year again... Madden cover unveiling! Like so many things in football, this is a minuscule event blown up to epic proportions for the sole reason that it deals with the NFL, the undisputed ruler of the sports world. But as any diehard NFL-er knows, the Madden cover isn't a position of distinction or a truly blessed honor... its a bloody curse!

Ever since Madden 2001 chose Eddie George as its cover boy, things have gone awry for the game's coverboy, and in most cases, the player's team... lets recap:

2001, Eddie George: sure, the argument can be made that George did not fall victim to the curse, since his Madden season was statistically better than the one before it. If you ask the Titans, though, the curse bit hard in the AFC playoffs that year. It was George who ended the Titans Super Bowl repeat bid when he seemingly lateraled to Ray Lewis in the closing minutes of the Divisional Round playoff game with my Ravens. George and the Titans were never the same.

2002, Daunte Culpepper: the cure bit hard here. Not only did 'Pep get injured during his cover year, he almost recovered from a post-curse hangover, only to have every (insert letter)CL in his knee ripped up, and jettisoned to the Dolphins, where hes been abysmal, frankly.

2003, Marshall Faulk: Faulk is a typical curse case, having a substantially less productive and injured riddled year during his cover year.

2004, Mike Vick: Vick is all the proof one needs to indicate the curse really exists. Vick didn't even make it to the season... he broke his leg the day after the game came out, and missed all but 5 games.

2005, Ray Lewis: I think if anybody came close to breaking the curse, it was Ray Ray (naturally). Ray was fine for most the year, helped Ed Reed win defensive MVP, and almost played the entire year (he broke his wrist before week 17). He did not, however, record an interception for the only time in his career, and the Ravens missed the playoffs.

2006, Donovan McNabb: As if playing with TO isn't enough of a curse, McNabb has this neaped upon him. One sports hernia and embarrassing Philly season later, and Donovan had enough of Madden.

2007, Shaun Alexander: Alexander and his Seahawks tried to tempt fate on every level, tackling the Big Three Curses head on (the other two being Campbell's Chunky soup and Super Bowl loser; more on those in a bit). Alexander was not big enough to overcome, however, breaking his foot early in the season. If it wasn't for Tony Romo, the Seahawks would have also made an early exit from the playoffs, as well.

So all that being said, who is this year's pick of inevitable injury and plague? None other than NFL darling and all around good guy, Titans QB Vince Young (did Eddie teach them nothing?). You heard it here first... Vince Young will not play all 16 games next season. He will get hurt. Consider that carefully in your fantasy draft. To stack the deck even more, Young will be fighting the dreaded sophomore slump, which may prove to be just too much for the Wonderboy. It is my humble prediction (take it to the bank) that Vince Young v2.0 will no longer be "In"Vince"able" Young.

The other two curses to beware of this year? Super Bowl losers have been pathetic since the Giants of 2001 (don't ever mess with Ray & co), and so this year's Bears will be a huge disappointment compared to last year. The good news is, the rest of the team sucking will finally match Rex Grossman's strong suits.

Finally, this year's Chunky Soup campaign has threatened to ruin the careers of 8 (count 'em!) players this year. Chunky Soup is no small scale curse, either (see Warner, Kurt; Roethlisberger, Ben; Hasslebeck, Matt). Campbell's is yet to announce the names of its latest eight victims, but here's hoping that the Ravens are eating Progresso this year!

Peace.